To say that I’ve thought about you is an understatement. It’s like saying, ” I breath so that I can receive air.”  And as the omnipresent atmosphere invisibly permeates and sustains this world with it’s irresistible life giving force, so you are for me. I have no words which can express my gratitude for your support given in various forms — the caring prayers, your healing thoughts, and your awareness sent forth to hold me. Forgive me for not being able to answer each card, phone call or message but please know they meant the world to me and lifted my spirits as they were intended to do. Oh, thank you so much! I feel so blessed that you are all in my life. I know that as my surgery was happening many of you were as present as those who were physically there – you encircled me with your love.

This winter’s steep learning curve included lessons in vulnerability and surrender. For awhile, due to my stroke which happened during the operation, I was actually  using a coloring book to see if I could stay in the lines. Writing was quite impossible, as was reading. In fact I had lost the use of my right arm and hand. For awhile I was like a baby. I couldn’t do for myself and had to trust others to take care of me. So you can see that the universe was teaching me a great deal about humility. And of course all of us are carrying so many people in our hearts who are struggling in various ways. There is a lot going on in everybody’s life and much of it is quite challenging. It seems that every day there are trials and tribulations in the lives of friends and loved ones. It has been a tough winter for a lot of people.  I realize very keenly through this how I depend upon all of us, hand in hand, circling one another, allowing strength to flow through and among us. Everything conspires to reveal the truth inherent in all of the events and circumstances of our lives. Together we are led forward upon the Golden Road, and inspired by the ongoing awareness of the Mysterious Presence that dwells within each of us and all things.

I have always found peace as I learn to trust the events and (yes) the vagaries of my life. Maybe you remember hearing me say once and awhile that I try to operate on a need to know basis. One aspect of that is the implied trust that in the skein of time all things become clear. So I can relax without trying to figure out too much, trusting the process. In this way I’ve come to substantial certainty that so many of the changes and lessons and teachings that occur in my life will be revealed when we come together.  We make a giveaway of our hearts to one another.

Last night I dreamed I was back in the hospital and some small but necessary adjustment to the arteries replaced in my heart needed to happen. Suddenly, I realized what this was going to involve and I cried out, ” Wait a minute! Do you mean that you’re going to split my sternum open again?” My dream woke Stephanie up. It seems I was arguing with the doctors out loud ” No,” I said firmly. “Its time for me to travel now. I need to be in Circle. In ceremony with my friends”  And, you know, honestly, I have anxiety about going back out on the road as I am. But I know how badly I need to be with all of you. To see you. To laugh with you. To cry with you. To pray with you. To bring  blessings into the world with you. In this process of togetherness lays my transformation and my continued healing. The goodness of what we do together nurtures and heals my soul.  With a thankful heart I pack my bags.

Love,
Carl